读者宝 > 笑话 > 英语笑话
  • 骑马用英语咋么说

      今天英语课,老师问我们怎么去南京,有人说:by car,有人说:on foot。

      我就想到了骑马去,问我智慧的同桌:骑马用英语咋么说?

      她淡定的告诉我:嘚儿驾!

  • 怎样淹死一个金发美女

      Hey, Rosalie? Do you know how to drown a blonde? Stick a mirror to the bottom of a pool.

      嘿,Rosalie?你知道怎样淹死一个金发美女吗?在池塘底部粘上一面镜子 注:美国有不少说金发美女愚蠢的笑话,在池底照镜子被淹死了

  • 你女朋友的地址是

      Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"

      Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.

      Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.

      Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"

      Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.

      George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.

      "What do you want now?" Bill said to him.

      George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"

      幽默故事翻译:

      军营里有二名士兵,一个叫乔治,一个叫比尔。乔治问:“比尔,你有信纸、信封吗?”

      比尔说:“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。

      乔治又说:“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里,又问:“比尔,你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。

      这时比尔站起来,向门口走去。乔治问:“你要出去吗?”

      比尔说:“是的。”随即打开了门。

      乔治说:“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里,还有...”他停住了。

      “你还要什么?”比尔问。

      乔治看着信封说:“你女朋友的地址是-?”

  • 我是他的母亲

      During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.

      One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.

      Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.

      Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."

      "Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.

      "Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."

      "I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"

      幽默故事翻译:

      在第二次世界大战中,有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作,当然遇到了许多男士,包括军官和士兵。

      一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说,“我明天就要出国,但如果我们能够相互写信,我会很高兴。”琼同意了,于是他们几个月里一直通着信。

      后来,他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信,告诉她,他受伤了,住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。

      琼到了医院,她对护士长说,“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”

      “这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。

      “噢,是的,”琼说,“我是他的妹妹。”

      “很高兴认识你,”护士长说,“我是他的母亲。”

  • 我是来给你安装电话的

      What a big deal A young businessman had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. “Can I help you?” The man said, “Sure. I’ve come to install the phone.”

      我是来装电话的一个年轻人刚刚开始做生意,就租了一个漂亮的办公室。一天,他坐在办公室里,看到有一个人在外面,于是他就装作生意很忙的样子,拿起电话胡吹乱侃,还不停的甩出几个大数字,好像在谈一笔大买卖。到了最后,他终于挂了电话,问来访的人,“有事儿嘛?”那个人回答,“我是来给你安装电话的。”

  • 我们来把自己弄脏吧

      When they’re together, my five-year-old son and his cousin tend to cause mayhem. one Saturday, I put my foot down. “All right, you two,” I said sternly. “No screaming , grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratching or fighting.”

      As I turned to leave, I heard my son say, “C’mon, Steven, let’s get dirty . ”

      我五岁的儿子和他的表弟在一起的时候,总要招来大乱。一个星期六,我开始抗议了。“好啦,你们两个,”我严厉地说,“不许叫喊,不许乱拿,不许哭闹,不许乱敲,不许取笑,不许扯淡,不许弄坏玩具,不许乱抓,不许打架。” 我刚转身要走,就听我儿子说:“来,斯蒂文,我们来把自己弄脏吧。”

  • 有个混蛋(肛门)用了我的笔

      A doctor reaches into his smock to get a pen to write a prescription and pulls out a rectal thermometer. "Oh, damn it," he proclaims, "Some asshole has my pen!"

      一个医生想从工作服里拿出一支笔来写处方,但是却拿出了一支直肠用体温计。“哦,该死的”,他叫道,“有个混蛋(肛门)用了我的笔”。

  • 我刚咬了自己的舌头

      I`ve Just Bitten My Tongue

      "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

      "Yes,dear," she replied. "Why do you ask?"

      "Because I`ve just bitten my tongue!"

      我刚咬了自己的舌头

      “我们有毒吗?”一条年幼的蛇问它的妈妈。

      “是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?”

      “因为我刚刚咬了自己的舌头!”

  • 我没有蛀牙

      小男孩儿看完牙医,面带微笑地回到家:“嘿,妈妈,牙医说,我一颗蛀牙也没有。”

      妈妈惊讶地瞪大眼睛:“不可能——你每回上床睡觉前都把巧克力盒子里的糖一下子吃完,而且从来不刷牙!”

      这时,男孩儿张开了嘴巴——他的牙全被拔光了。 

      A smiling boy arrived home from a dental visit,"Hey mom,the dentist says I have no cavities. "

      His mom stared at him wide-eyed and quite surprised,"It’s impossible --you never brush your teeth after cleaning the chocolate box before you go to bed!

      Then the boy opened his mouth --he had not a tooth left!

  • 掌握一门外语是多么的重要

      A cat and her four kittens ran into a large dog. When the kittens cowered, the cat let out a series of loud barks, scaring the dog away.

      Turning to her kittens, the cat said, "You see how important it is to know a second language."

      一天,一只猫妈妈领着4只小猫在路上走,却遇到了一只大狗。小猫们吓的蜷缩成了一团,这时猫妈妈吼出了一连串的汪汪声,大狗被吓跑了。

      猫妈妈转过身来对几个小猫说,“孩子们,看看掌握一门外语是多么的重要呀!”

  • 我没有睡着

      When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

      "I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

      "Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

      "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

      当一群妇女上车之后,车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了,他担心这个人会坐过站,就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他,说:“先生,醒醒!”

      “我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。

      “没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?”

      “我知道,我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”

  • 昂贵的代价

      Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.

      Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.

      Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.

      牙科医生:对不起,夫人,为给您的儿子拔牙,我得收二十五美元。

      母亲:二十五美元!可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀?

      牙科医生:是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤,他都吓跑四位病人了

  • 对那种长相的人真的不感兴趣

      打工的时候,有一个长得很高很壮的老外男的想约我出去,我对那种长相的人真的不感兴趣,又不知道该怎么拒绝,最后说了一句:I’m only sixteen. 他疯了。

  • 口沫横飞了半天

      读语言学校的时候,1哥们很爱讲,和esl老师聊天l练习英语。

      口沫横飞了半天,那老师很生气的说 dont speak chinese to me.

  • 愿意和我一起出去吗

      During the computer class, the teacher chastised one boy for talkingto the girl sitting behind him.

      "I was just asking her a question, " the boy said.

      "If you have a question, ask me," the teacher replied.

      "OK," the boy answered. "Do you want to go out with me Friday night?"

      计算机课上,老师批评一个男生,因为他和后边的女生说话。

      “我只不过问她一个问题。”男生说。

      “如果你有问题,问我好了。”老师说道。

      “那好吧,”这个男生说,“周五晚上你愿意和我一起出去吗?”