God Is Watching
The students were lined up in the cafeteria for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE.God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
A Woman's Answer
A husband said to his wife, "Why did God create women to be beautiful but foolish'?"
"Well," his wife answered at once. "The reason is very simple. God made us beautiful so men would love us; God made us foolish so we would marry them."
May We Have Our Teacher Back?
While visiting a country school, the chairman of the Board Of Education became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making in the next room. Angrily, he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and stood him in the corner.
A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded, "Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?"
A Wild Guess
Our physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimede's principle of water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at the public bathhouse, the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery,he ran down the street yelling, "Eureka, eureka!" The professor asked if anyone knew what that meant.
One student stood up and answered, "I'm naked! I'm naked!"
0n purpose 正中下怀!
Whenever I drove my old car over 55 miles per hour, it vibrated terribly, so I decided to sell it. My first customer wanted to buy the car，and I battled with my conscience over whether or not to tell him of the vehicle's problem. Finally I did the right thing. Expecting him to drop the deal，I was surprised by his reply.
"That's okay，”he said.”I'm buying this car for my daughter. If she complains about a vibration，I' 11 know she is driving too fast."
Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. "A man came to me who had his hand cut off，“said one. "Today that man is a concert violinist."
That's nothing." said another.“A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on，and today that man is a marathon runner."
"I can top both of you，"said the third. "One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. ,There was nothing left but a horse's posterior---and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in the United States Senate. "
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She
watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.
Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.
Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"
TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?
John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short.
“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”
“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”
“Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”
把它堵在里面 I'm Trying to Stop It
I'm Trying to Stop It
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"
"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
A Smugglar 走私犯
The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams.
"What's in here?" he asked.
"Dirt," the driver replied.
"Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them."
Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.
A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.
"What's in the bags this time?" he asked.
"Dirt, more dirt." said the man.
Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.
The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender. Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, "Listen, pal, drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time."
Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "Cars."
Sleeping Pills 安眠药
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."
"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"
I'll See to the Rest 其余的事由我负责
A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.
"Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!"
"Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back.
"You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."
人之初 ：At the beginning of life.(英翻中:生命的起初)
性本善 ：Sex is good.(白话文:性是美好的)
性相近 ：Basically, all the sex are same.(英翻中:基本上,所有的性行为是差不多滴)
习相远 ：But it depends on how the way you do it.(英翻中:但还是得依照个人的喜好而为之)
苟不教 ：If you do not practice all the time.(英翻中:若你不随时勤炼精进)
性乃迁 ：Sex will leave you.(英翻中:性将远离你的生活)
教之道 ：The way of learning it..(英翻中:学习性的指道原则)
贵以专 ：is very important to make love with only one person..(英翻中:最最重要的法则是做性这档事只能对一个人)
昔孟母 ：Once a great mother, Mrs. Meng.(英翻中:曾经有一个伟大的教母:孟母)
择邻处 ：chose her neighbor to avoid bad sex influence..(英翻中:为孩子选最佳性行为示范的邻居为邻,避免坏的性示范而影响小朋友的身心健康)
子不学 ：If you don”t study hard,.(英翻中:再次叮嘱,你若再不刻苦勤学....)
断机杼 ：Your Dick will become useless..(英翻中:你的鸡鸡就从此报废掉) (机=鸡...HaHaHa...)
窦燕山 ：Dou, the Famous.(英翻中:宝先生,名人)
有义方 ：owned a very effective exciting medicine.(英翻中:他有一帖非常好的药方)
教五子 ：All his five son took it.(白话文生出来的五个男孩全靠这一帖)
名俱扬 ：and their sexual ability were well-known..(英翻中而他五个小孩的性能力,北港有名声,下港有出名)
养不教 ：If your children don t know how to do it,.(英翻中你的小孩若不知道如何做好性行为....)
父之过 ：It is all your fault..(英翻中这所有罪过都是你造成的)
教不严 ：If they had lots of problems with it,.(英翻中:如果你的小孩做这档是有问题....)
子不学 ：You may refuse to study this.(英翻中:你或许会抗拒学习它....)
非所宜 ：but that is a real mistake.(英翻中:你就犯下真正的错误)
幼不学 ：If you don t learn it in childhood,.(英翻中:如果不从小学习它....)
老何为 ：you will lose your ability when aged.(英翻中:若上了年纪你会丧失所有的性能力)
玉不琢 ：If you don t exercise your dick,.(英翻中:若没有持续操你的小弟弟)
不成器 ：It won t become hard and strong..(英翻中:它将不会变的坚硬和强壮)
人不学 ：If you don t learn sex.(英翻中:如果你没有学习性行为)
不知义 ：You can by no means enjoy its sweetness.(英翻中:你将无法体会享受其
One day, I was at work, the son call, said with emotion: "a mouse ran into the house." I said: "the bread crumbs from the inside and outside, so it can lead to the rats." Again an hour later, the son call come in, the more panic ground to say: "now have two mice in the room."